Stop Whistling, Start Listening

Sex education for teens

Yesterday Nadine Dorries MP presented a 10 minute rule bill to parliament proposing that 13-16 year old girls should be given additional sex education in schools, and ‘that such education must include information and advice on the benefits of abstinence from sexual activity’. 

There are lots of benefits of abstinence from sexual activity for both boys and girls. Sex at that age is illegal for a start. It also is the only sure-fire way to avoid STDs and pregnancy. Some young people just aren’t emotionally ready for sex at a young age anyway, so learning how to say no is not something I have a problem with. Where this bill falls down is that it only focuses on girls and, if Nadine Dorries truly had her way, would teach abstinence to the exclusion of all other information.

It’s a peculiar view to hold that teaching pregnancy avoidance (which is the main focus of Dorries) should be focused solely on girls. Girls may be the ones to get pregnant but they don’t do so on their own. Helping boys take more responsibility for contraception is vitally important, not least to protect themselves from STDs.

The inference here is that girls should be the moral gatekeepers. Boys can’t be held responsible for their actions, and they’ll always want to have sex with girls, but the girls must resist and say no. It also propagates the slut/virgin conflict - girls who have sex or want to have sex are sluts and immoral. Virgins are untainted and moral. This is not only unfair to girls but doesn’t exactly paint boys in a good light either. Teenage boys may be full of raging hormones they’d like to explore, but that doesn’t mean that they’re not capable of restraint.

In fact, the other problem with pitching this ‘sex’ education at girls is that it ignores the need to teach boys that saying no is okay. This may be controversial to point out, but not all boys are dying to have sex. Some are terrified, confused and not ready. If Nadine Dorries gets her way, who will teach them to have the self-confidence to say no? Boys are constantly told that while girls who have sex are sluts, boys who don’t aren’t men and are losers. While their peers are all claiming to have sex, it increases pressure on boys to do it before they’re ready. It also leads them to put pressure on the girls they’re dating to have sex, so that they can tell their mates they did it.

Dorries seems to worry that girls are coming under the influence of sexualising media and fashion and as a result are also pressurised into having sex.

Girls are taught to have safe sex, but not how to say no to a boyfriend who persists in wanting a sexual relationship.

And yet, Dorries wants to exclude boys from this kind of education. It’s all very well teaching girls how to say no, but who is going to teach boys not to put pressure on these girls to start with? Boys should be taught to respect the girls they have relationships with, and to respect their right to say no. Similarly they need to respect the girls who say yes, rather than engaging in slut-shaming.

Teenagers of both sexes need accurate, honest sex and relationship education. They need to be taught to respect themselves and their bodies. To respect their opinions and their right to not have sex. If they are ready, they need to be taught how to do it safely, respecting themselves and their partners enough to practice safe sex. Abstinence-only education has been proven not to work - it doesn’t significantly delay the age at which first sexual experiences take place, and teens who receive more extensive education are better prepared and more confident in saying ‘no’. Abstinence-only education aimed solely at girls is even less likely to be successful.